Children called Ian

I get going all vintage with names like lillyallen did with her baby but I think calling a baby Ian is a heinous crime.


i am in the park and so many children are shouting “Ian pass the ball” it makes me feel sad…


29th February 2012

Its not the 29th February anymore!

its once every four,

years I have muddled along

trying to be strong

and sometimes I feel like I can’t carry on

but you are THERE,

you are not him

but you are HERE

and i can put you on the same pedestal

because you have never judged

I don’t watch my back

or shadows that I have left behind

You are YOU

I am ME…

I want to see you in Ibiza by the sea with just plain old me.

This isn’t anonymous

Through the medium of the WWW.

I have to say that I am still ‘Effected’ from returning my gift

he/she probably doesn’t play in your mind but he/she always plays in mine,

games of ‘hide and seek’, catch and solitaire. Alone.

7 months not seen, I haven’t been

able to let it go like everything else.

‘Unwanted Gift’

i put “return to sender” on the package cos i didn’t think it was made for me

i don’t know who thought that this precious gift would be appropriate for me,
have you seen me? do you even know me?

to be honest i didn’t even open it,
i felt it,
thought about it
and posted it

Me? at this time?
a mother?

No way!

Own Self Harm

Own self harm

I am my own self harm

No tools help me do it.

Not the scolding shower

Nor the hot water bottles

No radiators

No scissors

No hair ties, elastic bands

Or cotton.

Just me and my own negativity

The more I push you away

The better I feel.

My happiness is not real.